The end of my loserdom
Two weeks ago, my life changed.
A switch flipped inside of me. Suddenly, I felt overwhelming love toward myself. No more feeling like an undeserving, ugly loser. No shame, guilt, or embarrassment about myself.
Just an inner wellspring of joy and peace about who I am.
It occurred to me when I was walking around uncontrollably smiling and enjoying my day. There was a warmth inside that felt like being hugged and loved for hours.
I’d never experienced anything like it.
Suddenly, I thought of myself without judgment and—egads—with some pride. I had to face some facts about myself and I felt like God said to me, “How much longer will you go denying the basic truths about yourself?”
The voice continued…
“Does a loser go on an all expenses paid trip across Europe to film a documentary with some of the world’s greatest musicians?
“Does a loser spend a day with Robert Fripp? Or get on the shortlist for a Steve Vai concert in London?
“Does a loser have a global music community?
“Does a loser run a successful business that can be operated from anywhere in the world?
“Does a loser have a third book hitting the market?
“Does a loser have friends all over the world?
“Does a loser have a homemade recording studio in his backyard?”
This went on a while…
Then the voice said, “It is time you face the facts about yourself. Stop ignoring the mountains of evidence that your life is wonderful and that YOU are wonderful. Just as the sky is blue, you are wonderful. Both of these are facts.”
Was it God? Was it me? I don’t know.
I spoke to my friend Markus Reuter and he said two things, “You need to deal with the little boy inside who is embarrassed and ashamed, and... Look in the mirror and say to that person, ‘You are perfect.’”
This is very difficult wisdom for me to accept. Very difficult.
Since then, I’ve made a commitment to:
Stop downplaying myself and what I do
Stop the negative self talk (“loser,” “undeserving”)
Stop judging what happens in my life and just let it happen
Love myself for who I am, not for who I’m not
Look at the facts
Steve Vai has been a friend and mentor to me for 25 years. He said two things that changed my life:
“Anthony, I don’t spend time with losers. You are not a loser.” And: “If you think you’re unworthy… you’re just wrong.”
I’m working on escaping my mental prisons and letting go of the bad beliefs I’ve held in my life.
If you’re interested in hearing more, let me know. I’m going out on a limb sharing this story and would love to share more if there’s interest.
#mentalprisons
