Congratulations! You’ve Hit A Wall!
A friend of mine was telling me the other day that he "just cannot deal with it anymore" and that he's "getting burnt out by going above and beyond for folks." He's been making himself "valued by helping them get what they need to the point of not being able to get out of [his] own way."
This is a tough place to be! We're coping with fully-remote work environments where we are losing face-to-face relationship-building opportunities. When we need help, we file work tickets and cross our fingers hoping that someone will pick up the ticket and get it done. It's tough for the work requester and the person fulfilling the request, especially during times of greater need and urgency.
How should we cope when we hit a wall like this? What is the right response to feeling taken advantage of? How do we support the people who need us and feel good when they benefit from our work?
My response to him: "This is a great place to be in. You've evolved to such an extent that you've found some limits. You used to say 'yes' to everything because you were voraciously learning. Now you're developing expertise and you have to learn about these new limits and constraints. You're doing great. Don't be discouraged. Be encouraged by the fact that you're this far on the path of learning and growth."
When I was younger and practicing guitar for 6-12 hours every day, I would hit similar walls where I felt I was getting nowhere, the music wasn't returning on my investment, and I resented some of the guitarists I emulated because I was so challenged by their playing. It wasn't until weeks or months later that I had a sudden realization of being past "the wall." I'd somehow broken through. This realization was only available to me in hindsight. I couldn't tell when I was breaking through, only that I had already broken through.
The same lesson applied to my professional life.
Like many professionals, I set ambitious goals for myself every year--especially in my 20s. I expected career growth, salary increases, and development of my skills. There were years where I got way ahead and years where I felt stunted, resenting anyone or any corporate policy that got in my way. It took me more than a decade of daily work to realize the problem was not other people, but in myself.
The reality is that walls are wonderful. They stop us from going too far. They show us the limits of our current capabilities and offer opportunities to either climb over, dig under, walk around, or bust straight through. Different walls require different tactics. Familiarizing oneself with different walls is a skill unto itself.
It's easy to get frustrated when hitting a wall. It feels like something is in the way of our success, of our growth, of our brighter future. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's this:
The obstacle is the way.
[Ryan Holiday wrote a great book with that very title and I highly recommend it to anyone who is interested in meaningful and intentional growth.]
Pursuing the obstacle requires befriending it. Befriending an obstacle requires changing perspective. I can't say I enjoy the obstacles, but I can get excited when I remember that the obstacle is really an opportunity to learn something new. It's a way of ending an old way of doing things and finding a new way.
When people demand so much of my time, it's really an honor and a privilege. It's not a burden. If I can't supply as much of myself as the demand warrants, I think of new ways to increase supply. The tools I consider are:
Delegation: Have someone else do it (perhaps with my guidance)
Automation: Take myself out of the process and try to get a machine to do it, then I manage the result
Optimization: Look at how to make my process more efficient and effective
Elimination: If none of the above work, then I have to say "no" to someone.
If we don't change how we think when we encounter an obstacle or hit a wall, then we bring unnecessary suffering into our lives. I don't know about you, but I don't want to suffer in my work. There's always a way to adjust perspective. The hard part is finding it.
